The Daddy Diaries: Our Little Geek

Kai often appears fascinated when Lauren and I are typing - sometimes we let him play with the keyboard. Usually that just means a lot of space bar pressing, but occasionally he does something quite unexpected.

Just a few minutes ago, he began banging on the keyboard and somehow managed to open a new tab in Firefox with the version 3.0 release notes. Which was quite impressive. A bit more banging and he bookmarked the page. Which was amazing. Then he printed the release notes. Clearly, he's much more advanced than we give him credit for. We'll see if he wants to read them (or more likely, chew on them) later.

More true to form, Kai now writes:
,,hj n .

,,hj n . indeed. I know you're smarter than you're letting on.

The Daddy Diaries: New Milestones

Our little bear is growing up so fast. For the last few weeks he's been consistently rolling over from back to tummy (he's been doing tummy to back for quite some time). His new favorite bedtime game is to roll over. And over. And over. He's also begun rolling over in his sleep.

About a week to ten days ago, he just woke up one day with a new level of alertness. Both Lauren and I noticed it independently. When he looks at us or at other people or objects, he just seems more focused and intense. We look at him and there's just something there in his eyes. He knows. I don't know what he knows exactly. But it's there.

Within the last week, he's begun flailing his arms in a new and....interesting....way. And I swear that he hits me now to get my attention sometimes. Here's a recent vid of the flailing:



Just two days ago, he started profusely babbling consonants, including many we'd never heard him utter before. There's a bit of that in the previous video, but here's an more extensive sampling:



Don't know what exciting new tricks are up next for him, but we'll let you know when they come....

50 Things To Do with Kids in Boston...

A fantastic post by Christina at Alpha Mom! Among my favorites:

21. Listen to E.B. White read The Trumpet of the Swan on audio book and then head down to the Public Garden for a ride on the Swan Boats. Do you hear Louie?

23. Baby Loves Disco! A monthly kid party at Revolution Rock Bar.

A new chapter begins!

Well folks, I've up and quit my job. Sort of. I gave them notice that should have taken effect a week or two ago, but they've kept me on two days a week until the end of this month. Possibly longer. And I'm probably going to do some consulting at Simmons as well into the beginning of the fall. But...

The real story is what we're up to now. I've started teaching Itsy Bitsy Yoga for babies and toddlers. And I'm now available as a postpartum doula as well! Check me out: www.namastebaby.org! Bob and I are also engaged in the planning phase of our educational consulting business - if you know of high school students who could benefit from an independent college counselor, just let us know!

Bob and I took some pictures tonight so that I could update the site with a couple of baby yoga images. Enjoy...(tomorrow we'll post a few more pics and some video).

The Daddy Diaries: Encounters in Arlington

With all the walking we do, Kai is becoming a minor celebrity here in East Arlington. Some highlights of our encounters:

A woman pushing her child in a stroller comes up to us and says "hey, we see each other everywhere!" As far as I can recall, I've never seen this woman before in my life. We chat for a few minutes about our kids and then I explain to her that Kai and I have just returned from a 5-mile walk through Winchester and Medford, which is just part of the 10-15 miles we walk daily. She looks at me a bit askew and no doubt realizes that a lot of people must see me everywhere. But hey, she was really nice and I enjoyed our brief conversation.

An 80+ year old man walking down Mass Ave asks me how old Kai is. He then proceeds to tell me that he has four kids: 58, 57, 56, and 54 years old. "There was a brief time when all four of them were in diapers. Tough, but worth every minute."

A stooped-over nonagenarian woman grabs my arm as I walk by her on the sidewalk.

"What's his name?"
"Kai"
"Hi Kyle"
"No, it's Kai."
"What?"
"Kai. K. A. I."
"Oh. (long pause) Where are your people from?"

Now, I'm not usually asked this question by random people on the street, so my answer comes out a bit disjointed. "Well, ummm....my people are from Germany...and uh....France. And Ireland. And Sweden?" (I don't know why that one comes out as a question - perhaps I have secret doubts about the Swedes that I'm not aware of). I haven't even started on all the places that Lauren's 'people' are from and I surmise from her blank expression that she was just curious about the name. Several seconds pass as she continues the blank stare.

"My people are from Sicily. (another long pause) I have something for you. Hold on."

She walks over to the front steps of what I presume to be her apartment and reaches into a large plastic bag. Uh-oh. I'm scared. She's a religious nut and wants to help me find Jesus. No, she's just plain crazy and is going to hand me an old sock or perhaps a moldy onion. Wait, did she say Sicily? Images of Tony Soprano's mother flash through my mind. If she pulls out a revolver, are my reflexes fast enough to take this old crone out before she guns us down?

Whew. It's just a pamphlet. Back to theory #1 - fundamentalist fanatic. No, wait - it's a guide to immunizations put out by the Mass Dept. of Public Health. I thank her profusely (I was so relieved not to be the victim of random gun violence) and then Kai and I are on our way. No idea why this woman had a DPH pamphlet from 2004 sitting in a bag on her front stoop, but I suppose it was sweet of her to share.

We've had many more encounters with random strangers, usually briefer than the one with DPH pamphlet lady. Just today a woman stopped at a light shouted out of her car window "hey, you're like twins!" Ummm....okay. Sharing 50% of your genes with someone does tend to make you look alike. But she did put a smile on my face.

It seems that the two most common comments from strangers (as well as family & friends) about Kai are that a) he looks just like me and b) he's gorgeous.

I'm trying really hard not to draw the obvious conclusion and thereby over-inflate my ego.

Oh my goodness...

Naked Time!

That is all.

Take heart!

Wow! A plethora of infant sleep studies, all showing that we are soooo not alone, and night waking is very normal, even/especially in babies who were sleeping much better between 2 and 4 months of age!

http://kellymom.com/parenting/sleep/sleepstudies.html

Breastfeeding Hero

A mom on my favorite bulletin board (the breastfeeding board at ovusoft.com) posted this video story. So inspiring...this Chinese police officer truly acted as a mother. Beautiful.

Because Parents Don't Have Enough Worries

On Organic Formula and the Chemicals in plastics:

"...Researchers suggested early exposure to these chemicals could mean a lifetime fighting obesity. Bruce Blumberg from the University of California at Irvine, who conducted the tributylin research, is quoted in the article: "Developmental exposure is probably more serious than adult exposure because the data with other such exposures suggest that the pro-obesity reprogramming is irreversible, which means you will spend your life fighting weight gain."

But what we're feeding babies might still add to the problem. The New York Times reported today on Similac Organic baby formula..."

Laughing Fit

Kai couldn't stop laughing tonight while I was getting him ready for bed. I coughed, he laughed. I smiled, he laughed. I looked at him, he laughed. I actually had to calm him down a couple of times, because his laughter was threatening to turn into tears. He cracks me up. In other news, he went beyond his necklace fixation today when he discovered my earrings. I won't be wearing those around him for a while.

Here's a somewhat grainy, very short snippet from his laughing fit. I love this kid so much.

Tummy Time!

Kai is generally a big fan of tummy time. No wonder, since all of his new tricks can be done from that starting point!

For Tired Parents

and anyone else who is sleep-deprived! A game published by the BBC to test the impact of your sleep deprivation on your reaction times. I am apparently hovering between a sluggish snail and an ambling armadillo!

Another New Trick!

Today was Kai's 4-month well visit. He's just about doubled in size at 16 pounds! He's in the 75th percentile for height (almost 26"), weight, and head circumference. Which means not very much at all, but it's reportable data, so that's fun.

I thought that with his shot this afternoon, he wouldn't be up for much other than nursing and sleep when we got home. He was distressed, to be sure, but after a nap, I moved Kai to the middle of our bed, where he rested on his back while I got ready to nurse him. Except then, in a sudden turn of events, he decided to roll over from his back to his tummy, shocking both me and himself! And then he did it again a few moments later.

Between that and his new slow-mo breakdancing move (scootching himself around 180 degrees while on his tummy), I think we're facing impending mobility. And must now begin babyproofing. Tom and Marissa were right. We should have done that while I was still pregnant!!!

Four Months and Very Happy!

Hee, hee. I love my boys.

Sweetest Thing Ever

After posting (lengthily) about sleep last night, I had a very sweet night of sleep next to Kai. Not sure how many times he woke up (there were a couple of diaper changes that both of us slept through), but with the exception of twice when he made it clear he was hungry, he fell back asleep by holding my hand whenever he woke.

4 Months Later...

Bob reminded me this morning that it has been a while since I last posted. I do have a few thoughts that I've been mulling over of late.

First, though, I can hardly believe that just four months ago at this time, I was entering into the active stage of my labor, getting ready to meet Kai for the first time. It is true what they say. I have a hard time fathoming that he has not always been right here with us, part of our day-to-day lives. And at the same time, the rapidity with which he keeps growing, developing, and changing shocks me. I want to freeze time so that it will stop moving so (too) quickly.

My thoughts at the time of Kai's four-month "birthday" (I warn you, this has turned into a long post):

Kai is the best meditation teacher I have ever had
After years of struggling with monkey mind during meditation, Kai has me existing far more in the present moment than I ever have before. When he's hungry I feed him. When he yawns I begin helping him to sleep. When he shudders, or looks at me a certain way, I know he has a wet diaper, and I change it. Peaceful existence requires paying keen attention to what Kai is doing right now, and for the most part, I'm able to stay right there with him. When I don't, well, that tends to be when both of us get frustrated. I've also struggled in meditation with the concepts of "doing it right" and obsessing with what others think. More on "doing it right" in a moment, but as far as what others think....Now when I encounter new people or new environments, somehow the knowledge that I was able to create this life out of love, that my body gave birth powerfully, and that it continues to nourish and sustain Kai...well, somehow that knowledge trumps everything else.

Parenting, Breastfeeding, Sleep...
I've been thinking a lot about how important it is to be at peace with whatever parenting style one chooses, while also maintaining an open mind and some flexibility. After much reading, Bob and I felt drawn to what is known as the attachment style of parenting while I was pregnant. Once Kai was born, all of our instincts confirmed that this was the right choice for our family. Basically, this means that I breastfeed on demand (and Bob bottlefeeds expressed milk on demand) as opposed to on a schedule, we spend a lot of time wearing and holding Kai, we co-sleep (sometimes Kai sleeps in a co-sleeper bassinette attached to our bed, but lately, he's sleeping better in bed with us - we take the required precautions to ensure his safety). And most importantly, we really work to tune into him and respond to his needs.

Most of the time, I feel really secure in our choices. We've done a lot of reading and research, and have been most persuaded by the evidence that supports what we're doing. And our instincts tell us it feels right. But there's so MUCH out there about parenting, about how to make sure you don't "ruin" your child. Sometimes it reminds me of wedding porn, which, if read in large enough quantities by even the most level-headed of brides-to-be, can easily persuade folks that if two people really love each other, the proof will be spending at least $20k on a wedding. When it comes to parenting literature, it's easy to let self-doubt creep in.

And in the US, the biggest money maker of parenting literature and advice concerns sleep. If you are a relatively recent parent, then you know about the maniacal obsession that exists with infant sleep in this country. There are so many schools of thought, and so many "programs" or "strategies" to train children to sleep "correctly." And so many definitions of correct.

I've done lots and lots of reading about sleep, and paid attention to our experience with Kai, as well as to the experiences of parents we know in real life and literally hundreds of other parents on the bulletin boards at ovusoft.com (my favorite support network). I've ordered a book from Australia that I couldn't buy here and I've obsessed with the best of them, not because I generally have a problem with the way Kai sleeps, but because I want to do what's best for him.

Here's the conclusion I've come to: sleep development is not linear, and is not entirely in the control of parents. The best strategy for a parent/baby couple is whatever strategy works. If that's the swing, that's the swing. If the crib, then the crib. If it's holding your little one, well, then, hold your little one. There seem to be some babies who are outliers, who either sleep really, really well from the get-go with rare deviations from that pattern or who persistently wake up once an hour all night and catnap through the day, seemingly regardless of the various strategies employed by their parents. Most babies, though, whether their parents sleep train them or not, seem to go through phases of sleeping better and worse, and, eventually by the time they are a few years old, can fall asleep well on their own.

So I have decided to completely disregard the school of thought that says my child must fall asleep a certain way, otherwise his "sleep associations" will be "bad" ones. Somehow he manages to fall asleep sometimes by himself (not most of the time, but every so often), sometimes by nursing to sleep, sometimes with a pacifier, sometimes while one of us wears him, sometimes by having me rock him and sing to him. Sometimes in the car, sometimes in large groups of people, sometimes in a dark, quiet room with white noise playing.

Lest you think he's one of those "easy babies" for whom sleep comes easily, let me correct you at this point. This kid can resist sleep with the best of them. It's just that I've concluded that there is nothing wrong with helping my baby to sleep. With the exception of the past week or two, during which he's had a cold and been teething, he generally was waking twice nightly to nurse. With co-sleeping and nursing side-lying, I never even really woke up. He's still very young, and breastmilk digests super fast, so I assume he's hungry when he wakes. I know some little ones can go longer stretches without eating, and heck, maybe he could, too, but my instincts tell me he's truly hungry.

Some nights lately, he's woken up multiple times each hour between midnight and 5am. That's harder. Much harder. Much, much harder. I decided to take a wait and see approach and it's already getting better (last night we went back to two wake-ups, but I fully expect that tonight could be another long night). But you know what? Like I said before, he's teething and just got over a cold. He's also at a classic age for sleep "regression" - there's SOOO much going on for babies his age developmentally and all the changes they experience in their sight, hearing, touch, and cognition get processed during those sleeping hours. They "rehearse" new developmental moves like the motions involved in rolling over or sitting up or walking. Given what goes on around four months, it really is no wonder to me that he's somewhat restless. When he wakes up normally, I nurse him back to sleep. Even if it's just for comfort, I'm okay with that. Because of the combination of his reflux and my continued oversupply, though, I have to be careful not to overfeed him. So given the way he's been waking at night lately, I nurse if it's been two hours or more since he last ate, and I rock him back to sleep if it's been less than that.

As far as naps go (another obsession of us new parents), mostly if we wear him or hold him, he'll sleep for up to two or even three hours at a time. Every once in a while, I can put him down after he's asleep and he stays that way. Mostly, though, if he's not held he sleeps for 20-45 minutes whereas if he's held he'll sleep for up to three hours. We're blessed that Bob stays home full-time so we can support this styles of napping. On weekends I take almost all the naps, and as long as I don't resist the pattern (consistent with what the experts say about sleep patterns, Kai has minor awakenings after 5, 10, and 20 minutes - sometimes he needs help returning immediately to sleep, sometimes he does it on his own), I find that I can sit and read the NY Times on my iPhone, or sit and meditate while I hold him, or, if he's being extra cooperative, I can lie down holding him and take a nap myself.

As a working mom, I actually particularly appreciate the time at night when I nurse Kai, and the hours I spend holding him for his naps. At the advice of a yoga teacher, I try to focus on the feeling of his little body in my arms, memorizing it for the day he's too cool for hugs or the day after he leaves for college, when I will remember this time not for the sleep deprivation, but for the sheer joy and love and privilege of parenting an infant, a little creature who exists still with no malice or ill-will, who is whole and perfect, and whose needs I happen to be perfectly created to meet.

I write all of this not so much to say that what I am doing is right or wrong, but more to say that what has become important to me is trusting my instincts. I do my homework, and I pay a lot of attention to the cues that Kai gives me. I'm happiest when I accept him and his sleep (and everything about him) exactly as it is, and meet his needs based on that acceptance.

Love
There's little else to say than that word. I love Kai more abundantly than I ever knew it was possible to love.

Babies
I have also become, for the first time in my life, utterly obsessed with babies. When I find out someone is pregnant, I go nutty. I diligently check other people's baby blogs for the latest on their wee ones (my favorites are those that my friends Karen, Kris, and Rebecca keep for their progeny).

The Daddy Diaries: The Many Moods of Kai

Here are some pics from the last few weeks that highlight Kai's ever-changing moods.....



I let him try out sitting in the big person chair this day. I'll call this one bored. Or possibly confused:




Taking a bath with mommy. Definitely concerned or frightened. Demon eyes are a bonus:




This one I'll call dignified (but it's probably a repeat of confused):




Seriously distressed (I blame the hat):




Finally, my favorite. Super-duper happy:


I have much video to share, but I haven't figured out how to sufficiently compress the video so that it's small enough to post. I'll have to consult with Lauren and one of us will post it soon.

The Daddy Diaries: Sickness, Bottle Feeding & The Weimar Republic

In the spirit of family togetherness, Kai & Lauren & I are all sharing a head cold right now.

Blergh.

In other news, Kai and I have finally agreed to terms for this whole bottle-feeding thing. Actually, it's less of an agreement and more of a series of decrees made by Kai that I never agreed to, but reluctantly observe because I have little choice. Not unlike the terms imposed on Germany post-WWI. Except I'm not angry. And I don't owe Kai reparations. In any case, the agreement goes something like this:

1. There will be no bottle-feeding unless you sing to me.
2. Bottle-feeding will not be successful unless you are bouncing, swaying, or rocking.
   
3. I will only open wide when I feel like it.
   
4. I reserve the right to spit milk at you if the mood strikes me.
5. The bottle nipple will be chewed on, rolled around in my mouth, and clamped down upon if I so desire.
6. Just because I get milk from the bottle doesn't mean I'm going to swallow it.
7. The terms of this agreement are by no means final; I may tweak, modify, change, or alter this agreement as often as I like. Especially if I'm cranky.
   

I do have to say that, on the whole, these terms are not too bad. Kai typically drinks 10-15 ounces of milk per day when Lauren is away. All of his particular wants around feeding are a small price to pay for a happy, well-fed child.

As soon as I have the energy to mount a search for our missing camera, I'll post some more photos/video of Kai in action.

Chatty Little Guy

:) Finally got this to upload by reducing the image quality. It's from a few weeks ago (when Kai was, hmm, 10 weeks old). I discovered that my voice can get very high pitched and silly when I talk to babies! Kai LOVES the changing table. LOVES it.